Tumblr Gems To Rifle Through Like a Goblin

Author image for Eric Lund
Eric Lund
Mar 14, 2021 12:00 AM EST

It goes without saying that Tumblr is a whole lot. It contains multitudes. People's dreams, nightmares, wishes, fears and abstract mental doodads all mingle. Under intense heat and pressure they get smooshed together as ridiculous, random and stupendous tumblr gems. The internet has more than its fair share of wild nonsense, and a good portion makes it out as funny tweets and tumble gems to quote later.

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  • 01
    Font - racisrn-deactivated20130915 how many star in the sky officialnasa Like 7 star kldzbop good job nasa keep up the good work
    via IronsideZero
  • 02
    Rectangle - BLRTH BIFTA pizzaspicelatte: yde: i was trying to make my friend a bday cake but the dye on the decorative icing started leaking and dripping everywhere so it accidentally became the most orminous and violent looking baked good ive ever seen. i slapped on some sprinkles to try and make it less threatening looking. it worked a little bit. BIRTH
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  • 03
    Font - slytheringsnake: my sister just tried to ask me if i wanted to go to bed but instead it came out "Do you need to use the sleep?" and then she just kinda looked really horrified at herself and whispered "Maybe i need to use the sleep"
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  • 04
    Font - candygarnet can they please make a dishwasher with a transparent door? i want to see what's going on in there candygarnet washing machine: open, honest, shows you how its cleaning your clothes dishwasher: mysterious, untrustworthy, keeps its cleaning methods a secret
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  • 05
    Font - frickdun [slides nasa $20] so, tell me about the aliens nightcoremoon aliens: [slide nasa $40] nasa: Imao what aliens candy5hark11 nasa, with $60, holding back tears: we can finally afford some more space rocks
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  • 06
    Font - Sknitmeapony So it turns out a squirrel would need to fall about 4800 miles in order to die because that would give it time to starve to death because they can survive terminal velocity Rachel I am begging you it is 2:30 in the morning stealthboy friendship is work Source: stealthboy 2,760 notes
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  • 07
    Green - Oos Just as I expected: counterfeit. Hmm.. a masterplece of duplication, Oxcept for one tiny allp-up. (Robin:) Whats that, baiman? President Lincoln never wore a turtleneck sweater. #world's greatest detective #when i see stuff like this i imagine christian bale saying this In his serlous gruff batman voice and i literally cry from laughing so hard are we not going to discuss where his gloves went
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  • 08
    Facial expression - e michaelmoonsbookshop just some of the the changes in design for the Penguin Symbol on old Penguin Paperbacks dinkywinks he did a little dance and for this crime he was imprisoned in a bubble
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  • 09
    Font - kink-shaymin people who sleep without socks on make me worry theycallmedowler People who sleep WITH socks are not to be trusted cerulean-warbler People who sleep are weird natashapaigeee I was a sock once
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  • 10
    Cat - WE MAY BE THE ONLY LAWYERS ON EARTH WHOSE CLIENTS ARE ALL INNOCENT. THE ANIMAL LEGAL DEFENSE FUND dizzyotter when i first saw this i thought the kittens were the lawyers
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  • 11
    Cat - TED TA G NE squeakykins: ineffably-crowley: Did you just unearth a cat from a pot of soil the harvest is bountiful this year
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  • 12
    Font - g just-shower-thoughts It only takes three generations for you to be basically forgotten patternsinnoise Tell that to my great great uncle, who is the reason that it's illegal to drive a tractor while drunk in the state of Kansas.
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  • 13
    Font - 1-800-satanic i wish i had crab legs 1-800-satanic CORRECTION: I WISH I HAD CRAB LEGS TO EAT, NOT TO REPLACE MY LEGS WITH.
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  • 14
    Font - thecw4kids ghost in the house: GET OUT. I WILL TAKE YOU- real estate agent: chill, its me. ghost: oh hey. have you sold it yet. real estate agent: obviously NOT, idiot. Source: thecw4kids 118,446 notes
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  • 15
    Font - { tiny-jester me: *sees a smooth/round rock* brain: take me: why? brain: you gotta
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  • 16
    Font - England: "Fantastic. Cheerio, America." America: "Yeah. Fruit Loops to you, too, dude." Source: aphcanada-remade
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  • 17
    Font - mbrainspaz I really enjoy just existing in hotels. The long identical hallways. The soulless abstract art. The weird noises the air-conditioner makes. Strange city lights in the window. Six stories off the ground. Strangers chatting in the hall. Nothing in the dresser. No past, but an infinite present. sushinfood Finally, Someone Understands 44,400 notes
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  • 18
    Font - BAD ONTS badjokesbyjeff Professor X: what's your super power? Me: hindsight Professor X: that's not going to help us Me: yes I see that now sleepy-ocean-girl Hey Jeff, that's an absolute spectacular joke
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  • 19
    Font - nerdjpg It's 2007. You're working on a PowerPoint for school. It's about ancient Egypt. You select the Papyrus font. "Yes, Perfect" 91,418 notes A
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  • 20
    Font - animedads folks, I'm just gonna say it. I don't think it rains for long enough periods of time. it rains hard, it sounds good, Il'm comfortable inside, but within 5 minutes the jig is up. the dream is over. I think it should rain for longer periods of time than it presently does casual-witchcraft a frog made this post i-draws-dinosaurs the frog is right
    via IronsideZero
  • 21
    Font - uselessgaywhovian what if instead of drops, rain fell all at once. like, a two inch thick sheet of water just goes thwap, and then it's sunny again drquantum Fun fact: This is what would happen if there was no air resistance, and it would actually come down so fast that it would kill us uselessgaywhovian oh.
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  • 22
    Sleeve - You vs. the guy she tells you not to worry about tachikoma Real ice eater memes
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  • 23
    Plant - ftcreature Kaan S Children, this is dirt. dirt?dirt? dirt?dirt? dirt?dirt? dirt? dirt? dirt? dirt? dirt? wild-west-wind A geology field trip
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  • 24
    Font - shittycryptids a teleporting cat. It's just a regular housecat, but it appears in random places when you could have sworn you just saw it somewhere else defectivegembrain that's just a cat axmxz literally any cat
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  • 25
    Font - jason y @jasonarewhy Only a FOOL would buy IKEA furniture. Instead I just download the instructions and keep emailing their service dept to say that I am missing a piece, until they ship me all the pieces over a six month period ladymalchav YOU WOULON'T DOWNLOAD A YPPËRLIG
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  • 26
    Font - professorsparklepants I am a simple woman. I enter the kitchen. I eat four servings of bread products. I leave. t brawltogethernow It's one serving if you serve all of it to yourself at once. professorsparklepants I like the way you think, friend.
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  • 27
    Green - Global What's the matter, sweetie? Global Is a book character having difficulties? corinnestark: sharipep Marge is such a great mom She gets it.
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  • 28
    Rectangle - normal-horoscopes TEEN HORSE GIRL MOVIE WHERE THE HORSE DIES AN HOUR IN AND THE SECOND HALF IS THE GIRL LEARNING OCCULT SCIENCE TO REANIMATE IT SO SHE CAN WIN THE BIG DERBY hombredeflorida Necroprancer normal-horoscopes TAGLINE: YOU CANT BEAT THIS DEAD HORSE
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  • 29
    Font - argumate Follow love to be paid a leather pouch heavy with coin that makes a satisfying clink as the mysterious stranger sets it down meaningfully on the oaken table peter-kirkland Follow As a Target cashier who had a guest pay $53 all in quarters yesterday, no you don't
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  • 30
    Font - surprisedentistry after i move i really wanna get a used roomba gaymilesedgeworth sushieatingmermaid i love that you're adopting instead of buying from a breeder <3
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  • 31
    Product - itsalwaysunnyontv me at a fast food place: oh the prices have gone up server: oh yeah sorry about that like it's management i can't do anything about- me: I know this, and I love you.
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  • 32
    Font - sandmandaddy Starting a fight Hey buddy Petting a dog Consoling a chid thefirsthogokage But, what are the orange, green, and purple ones... prolifeproliberty Orange: “You want to go outside?" Purple: *shushing noises* Green: "Do you want to call your mommy?"
    via IronsideZero
  • 33
    Font - pixyled: and-down-we-go: My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm... It was supposed to say 'l am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting" but she hit send when all it said was Hi Jeffrey, I am afraid
    via IronsideZero
  • 34
    Organism - lavenderfables Plants are just like... Too much sun. Not enough sun. Ground too wet. Ground too dry. The pH balance is wrong. There's not enough drainage. I don't like terracotta. Feed me. Stop feeding me. God was killed here. I do not vibe with this soil. nerdgul then plants in nature be like... OWO .. is that a crack in the concrete?
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  • 35
    Font - tawdry hepburn @eraserheadbabby my friend gave birth in her car on the way to the hospital and her husband named the kid Carson and if you don't think that's the best dad joke ever get out of my face oreotord CARSON princess-yosuke Son: Hey dad how did I get my name? Dad, who has been waiting year for this: *in tears* WELL
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  • 36
    Product - mamoru I have a very annoying neighbor, can someone teach me trumpet? mamoru dragginage That's the best part! You don't need to learn to play trumpet to annoy them. Just try your best and have fun! oh wow you are so right! thank you!
    via IronsideZero
  • 37
    Rectangle - dOnno i got a headache :/ dOnno google says im gonna die legfruit why is google sending you death threats for having a headache
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  • 38
    Font - if someone gave you $200 because "you're ugly" would you take the money?00 void-sapphic absolutely. Im ugly not stupid
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  • 39
    Rectangle - surprisedentistry i love dogs who are obsessed with licking people surprisedentistry "this human is pleasing to me. i have to put my tongue on it" advanced-procrastination Dogs treat us like we treat cool rocks surprisedentistry your relationship to rocks is apparently very different than mine
    via IronsideZero
  • 40
    Organism - onward-to-victuuri are you an "arr" pirate or a “yo ho ho" pirate xromanticalityx I'm an "I'm not paying $600 for Photoshop" pirate
    via IronsideZero
  • 41
    Font - trash-like-me Follow I'm still reeling over the fact when I went with my friend to a renaissance fair, there was a lady who was handing out samples. My friend took a bite of it and all I heard was "My lord that's soap"
    via IronsideZero
  • 42
    Font - araxoolie Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to? yieldsfalsehoodwhenquined human: ha ha ha, silly cat, that door leads to the same outside as the door you just came in human: *this post* Source: araxoolie 189,532 no > D
    via IronsideZero
  • 43
    Sleeve - b-reathed 2250 the highlight of my day was my teacher bringing his cat to school, and everytime he asked the class a question his cat would meow and he would accept it as an answer equestrianrepublican Love it 10/10.
    via IronsideZero

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tumblr tumblr gems Memes lol ridiculous funny stupid funny tumblr
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